LIFE ACCEPTED!

After I knew that my life was different from others, I learnt to accept it..
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There is NO rainbow after the storm in my life..it is from one storm to another storm..
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Yes! Others always have a chance to find the right one after the wrong one is out of their life..who will give all the greatest they deserve to have in life then live happily ever after..some hiccups, yes! but still be more than fine thereafter..
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Not happening in my life as I have to be the right one for me after all the wrong ones out of my life..I have to be the one who will give all the greatest I deserve to have in life..and I will live happily ever after..some hiccups, nope! More like several choking moments..nearly to the edge..just waiting for the right time to jump down..but still breathing more deeper thereafter..ALLAH still wants me here on earth..to do what? I'm still trying to figure it out..🤔🤔🤔🤣🤣🤣
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The more they aged, the more they gained success after all those past failures..but that's their life..not mine!
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My life, the more I aged, the more I feel nothing..might it be a success or a failure or both..Sometimes I sighed cluelessly..Most of the time I smiled faintly as if it was a normal kinda feeling! Weird it may seem but that's the uniqueness of my life!
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People said if you are successful at 40, you will die wealthy..but not mine again!
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At 40, I was wrapping up all..eventhough I have started the journey to be a Legal Executive aka Paralegal..but the other parts of life I was giving up because I was so done with all..I learnt to accept that I am fated to be the BIGGEST LOSER in the family..the POOREST friend one is having..that there's no future success in my life on earth..but I had a dream, my next life - I am getting what I did not achieve in life in this world! Should I be happy? Not really because I am still so much alive..What I am doing since 40, just surviving..just enduring..just persevering the events in life with less feeling of getting more or getting to know more..that's how I survive moving into my own house end of May 2025 with no job..not much money..still "transporting" my things from my parents' house without any mover services..Did work but for 1 month only..to blame that "makcik girlish" for my short stay? Neeeaaay..what's the point of blaming others..or blaming anyone..not even myself to be blamed..all written by ALLAH..
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I am not jealous of other successes in life on earth..just sometimes I wondered why ALLAH gives me such a tough life..feel like He's preparing me to fight the Dajjal but I am a woman..not a soldier..how to fight, right? Furthermore by the Dajjal appears, I am fucking damn old..don't say shaking raising a sword..I don't think I existed during that time..
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2030 - 56..
2040 - 66..
2050 - 76..
2060 - 86..
2070 - 96..
2080 - 106..
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I pray for my death to be on my 65th birthday which is 2039..as my housing loan will be completed in 10 years time - 2035..at my age 61..just 4 more years for me to be more peacefully happy (not owing anyone any debt) before I no longer need to see this world if my death wish ALLAH granted..The world is beautiful..amazingly beautiful..Alhamdulillah..but some people make this world look too dark..too ugly..too horrifying..too miserable in my eyes..That's why I wish to close my eyes forever and exit this world the most at 65, as I no longer have anything or anyone to look forward to, in this world..Insya ALLAH, all my beloved ones have left this world by then!
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#MyWish #MayALLAHgrantedIt


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