What it will be for me?

Q: Will you be lost and sad after burying your dead father?

A: I don't know..all bcoz my daddy expected a son but ALLAH gave him a daughter as his first child..Since I was young,  he just wanted to "get rid" of me..so when I have grown up, he's the other parent (besides my umi) who urging me to get married as fast as possible instead of furthering my studies to the highest level ever..He always said,"Woman's place is in the kitchen ONLY.."..He just wanna stop feeding me..In his eyes, I am just a BURDEN to him in life..However, ALLAH gave him the "surprise" -  marriage is not meant for my daddy's daughter..which is ME! Then I became the BIGGEST CHALLENGE in his life..plus I broke all the family rules..

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RULES:
❌ DO NOT work with lawyers
✅ done..even studied law!
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❌ DO NOT date anyone Non-Muslim..Non-Arab..Non-Malay..
✅ My exes are multi-racial and multi religions..
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✅ Get yourself married ASAP
❌ I prayed in front of Kaabah asking ALLAH to delete, erase and abort any missions leading to marriage on earth..let me be married in heaven!
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❌ Women CANNOT travel to overseas ALONE
✅ At one time, I was travelling to overseas alone several times..when he got angry, I told him that I cannot wait for a "husband" to bring me to explore the overseas..if I wait, I might lose out..to who? To those who looked down on me bcoz they are married and I am NOT!
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Some rules I broke..some I just followed i.e. I am NOT allowed to participate in any Recitation of Al-Qur'an Competition aka Tilawah Al-Qur'an suggested by my Ustadz..My daddy angrily said,"Reciting the Al-Qur'an is a compulsory for Muslims but NOT to compete with other Muslims..What are you trying to prove? You have the greatest voice when reciting the Al-Qur'an? So that you can be arrogantly proud? NO means NO!"..FINE! I told my ustadz and that's it!
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That's why I am NOT competitive in everything in life..I just believe what is mine will be mine..I don't need to compete with anyone..
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That's why I always wonder why some people backstab me for a job promotion when I am NOT looking forward to it since I started working for real in 1994..Think about it deeply aaah..I am not competitive, why feel intimidated by me? I even turned down an Assistant Manager post bcoz I don't need a promotion..I NEED MONIES ONLY!
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I just want to work, get salary in full without delay, shop, travel, eat-drink exclusively and pay all my bills on time..what's it got to do with the post of a job..gimme a break!
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Will I miss my daddy after burying him? Maybe YES..Maybe NO..Maybe I will not be there at his funeral..Maybe I die before my daddy..I cannot say much..All I can say is if he dies, it is a relief to him as he no longer seeing his disappointment since day 1 I arrived on earth as a daughter, NOT the son he dreamt of! If he's relieved, I am relieved too bcoz it is tough being the FAILURE, BURDEN and DISAPPOINTMENT in an "PROPER, NORMAL, ELITE" Arab-Indonesian Muslim family..Suffocated sometimes too!

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