TAK TERKATA..

Dah lama..lama betul nak kata..tapi tu aaaah..tak terkata..Nak luahkan kat muka semua org, aku dah naik malas..nanti, hilang kawan aje endingnya..
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Aku pendam sejauh ini..sejak peristiwa "pengUSIRan" aku dari rumah ortu aku oleh individu toksik! Masa tu aku bingung..britau kenalan..semua takde "ruang" utk aku duk sewa atau tumpang..Ya ALLAH, bila org lain susah dulu segera aku tolong..bila part aku susah, takde satu org pon tolong..kata kat aku - "ko tinggal je dgn aku..everything will be ok!" TAKDE SATU MAKHLUK TOLONG AKU! Ada yg suruh aku ngadu kat MP..tu rumah sewa..tapi masa tu aku tak bekerja so, takleh sewa..bila aku bekerja pulak gaji aku melebihi had yg ditetapkan..What the fuck, man!
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Bila aku dapat rumah, org sekeliling aku ingat aku dapat rumah sewa yg berkongsi dgn keluarga lain..Bila aku beritahu aku dapat rumah baru, terlepas dari mulut dorg "Kau boleh beli rumah kah? Kau pon baru bekerja sey..Bagus sey, org cam kau boleh beli rumah..Dgn pertolongan MP, kau boleh lah beli rumah!"..Macam BANGSAT kan org yg berkata camtu!..
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Aku SEDAR aku asyik berhenti kerja..CPF saving pon tak seberapa..Tak kahwin lagi..so, takde yg combine income dgn aku..Iyalah aku nie tak mampu segalanya..TOTALLY USELESS! Sedangkan mereka yg sebaya aku dah bergaji above $4K..aku lak gaji ciput! Aku SEDAR DIRI..tapi, tak perlu kot nak pandang rendah kat aku..
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Tu pasal aku nekad, bila aku dah pindah fully, aku nak "distant" diri dari semua org..kalo terserempak dan dorg tegur, aku layan biashe-biashe je..Aku nak hidup mandiri..ZERO friendship..Takde siapa pon yg faham aku..ALLAH pon satu (memang satu leeeerrr), asal tulis takdir riwayat hidup aku seSIAL camnie..kalo nak kasi aku hidup sesusah, seperit dan sehina ini, ada lebih baik aku mati waktu dilahirkan..Aku TAKMO hidup USELESS cam sekarang nie..
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Tu yg aku pendam sejak 2021..dari sesi pembuangan byk barang-barang aku kerna diusir keluar dari master bedroom..lepas tu tak mampu sewa bilik kat rumah org..kena duk bilik paling kecil - just to give way kepada daddy aku yg kononnya nak bilik ada toilet..Aku akan ingat sampai bila-bila semua kejadian pengUSIRan dari master bedroom ke bilik kecil..Aku akan ingat individu yg bertanggungjawab sehingga nafas aku terakhir! Aku akan ingat semua berlaku kerna ALLAH izinkan ia berlaku! Sampai hati ALLAH..Benci sangat ALLAH pada aku!
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Akhirkata, aku hanya ingin mandiri..hidup tenang..bekerja selagi ada peluang..harapan aku semoga penghujung hidup, aku bukan mati kerna bunuh diri atas alasan tertekan dengan telatah dan karenah org sekeliling yg TOKSIK! #AkuDoaTerus #SemogaKhusnulKhotimah

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