FROM ISLAM TO AGNOSTIC

On 7th day of the month of Ramadhan in year 2020, I decided to leave Islam and be an Agnostic.
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Yes! Until now I am yet to get this renouncement of religion be legalised by a commissioner of oath due to my busy schedule.
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I have stopped performing all Islamic rituals/routines i.e. reciting the Holy Qur'an, prayers including night prayers, fasting etc.
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Also, I have returned all my Islamic properties i.e. the praying mats, the praying attire aka telekung, the Holy Qur'an with its translated ones and all Islamic religious books to the shelves at the living room belonging to my mom.
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My belief since last year besides still believing that God exists, I just need to be good/kind towards others, avoid hurting myself by trying to please others, be real and be myself.
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Besides being unhappy as a Muslim since childhood, another major influence to my change of religious faith is my parents' attitudes and behaviours especially my father who is damn difficult to handle..driving me up the wall always..really pushed me to take this major step in life..drove me out of Islam!
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While Muslims always said,"May we (as family) see each other again and gather in God's heaven", I do not want to be gathered with my parents especially my father in afterlife..I have suffered mentally alot being the caregiver to them both..I hope to be spared by God from being their caregiver again in God's heaven (if only I enter one lah! If only..). Enough is ENOUGH!
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I was told by a few former Muslims that I need to prepare myself mentally with the fact that I will lose almost all my beloved ones..from my Muslim parents..to..my Muslim siblings..to..my Muslim relatives..to..my Muslim friends..besides the fact that I no longer entitled to all my Muslim parents' wealths via the rules of Faraid..the minute I make this renouncement official..
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I just sighed due to the abovementioned..what more can I do..I have no 'chemistry' with Islam!
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About the wealth, I am okey with it as I was told NOT to expect anything from my parents especially my father after my paternal late grandfather left NOTHING at all for my father..
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About losing all beloved ones, I will learn to be okey and I know I will be okey as I am NOT too close to anyone especially my Muslim relatives who mostly NOSEY about my marital status!..I just hope that I will have replacements to the losses..
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I did told my eldest sister and OF COURSE, she was furious at first..refused to communicate with me for days..Thereafter she contacted me out of the blues and asked me again WHY..I told her that I was not happy as a Muslim..since childhood..Eversince my eldest sister no longer asks me such question..However, she said she still hope one day I will return to Islam and she will be the most happiest..In the meantime she just has to respect my decision to be a non-Muslim..We communicate as usual..no religious talk whatsoever..Not that my eldest sister agreed or supported my change of faith..so don't condemn her BUT she learnt to respect her younger sister's choice in life..
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My dream (if possible) is to live in peace and harmony despite we all are from different religions..as humans..as siblings..as girlfriends..as cousins..as co-workers..eventhough I know that NOT all dreams come true!
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After I stopped being a Muslim, my life is much more calmer personally..I live with free mind..go with the flow..I just need to do my best in what was assigned to me to do..I don't expect too much from people around..from what I did good to others..In the past as a Muslim, I expected too much from people around..think too highly of myself just bcoz I was a Muslim and only Muslims go to God's heaven..Not anymore..I think I am more acceptance nowadays..Heaven and hell belong to God..Up to God to grant me which one..
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However I am still not so calm when comes to handling issues concerning my parents especially my father..
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One of my hopes now is that once I move out of my parents' house and without my parents within my sight view, I will be more calm as I have less worries and concerns in life..I pray hard for that phase in my life..🙏🙏🙏..I believe that I deserved the life like others where focusing on my own life is the main factor in life..
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#FromIslamToAgnostic
#AgnosticismAsPartOfLife
#MyParentsAttitudesDroveMeOutOfIslam

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