EARLY MORNING "SERMON"

I have had enough getting scoldings from others for all the things I did not do..Like because of my father's bad eating-drinking habit, I was bashed by my lil sister..I HAVE HAD ENOUGH! If at workplace, I would simply keep quiet..just move along..search other job opportunity quietly..because I was paid to be quiet when scolded for the mistakes of others. At home, what do I gained..HEARTPAIN?! Oh pleeeeease! This is not the kind of life I dreamt of..to face grumpy stubborn aging parents who made my life upside-down..what kind of huge sin I have made in the past to deserve this kind of life?..LIFE SUCKS!

So this morning I gave my piece of mind. I said,"If you are too stubborn, refusing to follow what my lil sister said about drinking ONLY plain water, by all means, just do what you want. And if due to your own doing, you landed in a hospital again, kindly please tell the doctors and nurses there that you are NOT to be discharge alive. You are to be dead corpse upon discharge from the hospital. Because I do not want to see the living you ever come home in wheelchair and continue making nuisance in my life and my lil sister's life ever again. Just remember - you are to die in the hospital and discharge as a corpse. Until then, just stay forever in the hospital because you never follow your planned diet once you are at home. You are indeed better off living in the hospital.."..

My mother commented,"Why do you need to say that? Maybe..just maybe he cannot swallow plain water. It is bitter, tasteless, you know!"

I looked sharply at my mother and responded,"You, another one. Keep on siding with him. You are the one who keep on making that sweet dark coffee for him..encouraging him to drink. You always covering his mistakes. What do you get in return? HE NEVER WANTED TO STAY BY YOUR SIDE FOREVER! He said that he wants to marry someone younger as you are TOO OLD for him..Don't you get it?! Get his statement towards you stuck into your brain..Why are you still protecting someone who despises you?! You better take care of your own life..Now I know why some children placed their aging parents in hospice or old folks' home..because those aging parents are like both of my parents..Now, I don't blame those children from doing so!"..

This is NOT the life I want..but now I have to face it. Fucking hell I hate this kind of life! But do I have other choices? Indeed I can only search and get a job first then upon confirmation of employment, I can proceed to apply for my own flat again. My hope this time that the HDB would give me a flat soon before my parents' house becomes a homicide scene. Trust me! I am slowly losing my patience towards this day-in day-out kind of conflicts at home with my aging parents. Sometimes I did feel it is either I commit suicide or commit murder as at certain days, the heat of disputes really too much for me to bear and handle.

Why can't I have my dream life..? I just dreamt of a calm and peaceful life in my own house, on my own, doing my favourite things in life..NOT facing and handling two grumpy stubborn aging old folks who can turn me into a murderer..I just need my own private single life without the hassle of these two aging folks who are driving me crazy all the times.

As I no longer have religious faith, I no longer feel angry with God..I am now more angry more frustrated with humans..Why can't humans make my life better rather than create all sorts of problems in my life? Huh! Extremely frustrated with the old humans at home this morning!🖕🖕👎👎

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