OUT OF ISLAM
Islamic fasting month started on 24 April 2020 making it the first day of Ramadhan month of fasting to all Muslims. On 7th day of Ramadhan month of fasting, I decided to proceed with my decision to convert out of Islam. That's all I want and need at the moment, after putting it on hold for too long now.
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WHY DO I WANT WAY OUT OF ISLAM?
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Firstly since young, I was asking why I have to go to people's home just to learn how to recite the Holy Qur'an. My parents are Muslims but my mother was a bit lenient though as I was not forced to do my prayer from young age like one of my neighbour's grand-daughters who started doing prayer at age of three.
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As I grow up, I learnt more and more about Islam. Frankly speaking, some parts of Islamic rules and regulations or COMMANDMENTS I cannot bring myself to agree upon as at an angle, those commandments are leaning towards women being the weakest subject and meant to be dominated by men due to it. Sorry to say this but as my life passed by years, I saw most of the Muslim men are treating their women like their SLAVES whereas these women are their wives and mothers to their children..very little respect shown towards women..vulgarity were thrown to their women's faces..violently abusive either when the men unsatisfied or just plain bullying the women. Sad. Pity. When Islam being promoted as the purest religion which full of loves and respect but it was tarnished by its extremist followers. Pity. Unfortunately, I could not say and do much about it.
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Another reason - after one bad living experience to another bad living experience, I was sad at the way I was coaxed to believe and accept that these are my fate..Muslims around me kept saying,"Be patience. This is all test from God. Be grateful and thankful for the ordeals. Not easy to enter His Heaven. Indeed God had written our fate in life even before we were born into this world. What more can we do? If this is what meant to be, you have to accept it wholeheartedly and with open mind..Only God knows what's best for us, humans!"..
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WTF..WHAT'S ALL THAT?!
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I always feel more depressing, stressful and sad after hearing this kind of "coaxing" statement. How long should I remained grateful, thankful, accepting, patient and just persevere? HOW LONG? Each time I expressed my issues, this is all I get! Very disappointing indeed.
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Growing up as a Muslim, I was told,"Non-Muslims will definitely go to hell for not believing in Islam..Life of non-Muslims are not being blessed by God due to their disbelief in Islam no matter how religious they are in the other religion, no matter how kindhearted and charitable they are..NON-MUSLIM are not being blessed by GOD..Thru' great belief, non-stop faith and prayers, Muslim will always be blessed by God..Bad things only happen to those disbeliever"..blah..blah..blah..
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As I kept facing with bad rotten luck in life..always not getting what I want..always NOT good enough to my family especially my mother..I wondered what kind of blessings I got as a Muslim all these years? Why my prayers were unanswered? What I did so hugely sinful until my life is always a failure? Why am I been burdened with my aging dementia/alzheimer parents now? I have recited the Qur'an as often possible..I even have Qur'an in my drawer at the office so that I can easily recite during lunchtime..I fasted during Ramadhan as much as possible..once I even fasted the entire one whole month as I missed my period routine..I prayed 5 times plus some late nights prayers daily..Why am I still in this bad living situation?
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I have seen and heard those Muslims who ain't following all the Islamic commandments, they are living great luxurious lifestyle..They are earning more than $100K annually..So, why I was put on a deep hole full of shits but they who did nothing religious are in a deep hole full of golds? Where is the justice? Where is the equality? WHERE IS THE DAMN GOD ALMIGHTY? I was a disappointed Muslin back then..I was NOT happy deep inside despite I looked happy outside.
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That is when I realised that my faith in Islam slowly fading away..I did all commanded but all I got are just BULLSHITS..MISHAPS..MISFORTUNE! Made me wonder - might as well I stop being a Muslim, stop praying, stop reciting the Qur'an etc..at least if I am given double the shits, I know that God is unhappy with me bcoz I do not follow His Islamic Commandments..Better off being a non-Muslim..
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I finally have the courage to denounce my faith in Islam this year during the CoVid-19 where I have more time to relax and think it over calmly. Indeed this is the decision I have put on hold for sooooo long!
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I am well-aware that I will definitely lose my Muslim friends, Muslim family and Muslim relatives due to me converting out of Islam. Also, I am more than aware that I will be thrown with all kinds of blind accusations, criticism, sarcasm and threats from those Muslim extremists. Overall and above all, I still glad converting out of Islam.
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I feel my shoulders were lightened with my conversion. I feel more calm and peaceful. My anger towards God slowly fading away..as now I learnt that God is great but humans making living in this world HORRIFYINGLY UGLY and I shall stay away from this kinda human beings.
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It took me years..many Ramadhan..before free-ing myself from the Islamic clinch of fists.
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Oh yeah! I DO NOT NEED to step on or burn the holy Qur'an just to prove to others that I have converted out of Islam..I will always respect other religion's holy book, practices and rituals including Islam. I do not need to be too agressive just bcoz I disagree with religious commandments. I prefer a more calm non-Islamic lifestyle rather than a more controversial lifestyle.
I am too old to provoke others. This is my choice of new life..Sorry for not agreeing with others who converted out of Islam and acting aggressively rude. I am not like them. If Muslims rude to me, that's who they are..NOT who I am..Thank you!
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Also to Muslim who accusing me: she become non-Muslim so that she can drinks alcohol..do free sex..eat pork..pleeease get your facts right in the first place..bcoz there are many Muslims out there who drinks alcohol..practising free sex..eating non-Halal foods..so, DO NOT preach on me whereas there are many other Muslims whom you can preach. Thank you.
