ALL IN YEAR 2009
WHAT I LEARNT
Point 1
"When it's NOT yours..
It will NEVER belongs to you..
No matter how bad you want it to be..
No matter what you willing to do to get it..
IT IS JUST NOT YOURS.."
Point 2
"STOP hoping for anything GREAT to happen..
Just work to get GREAT things in life.."
Point 3
"..MONEY is the ROOTZ to all GREED..
Every MAN need to know his ROOTZ..
MONEY is the ACKNOWLEDGEMENT of being SOMEBODY..
MONEY can buy almost EVERYTHING including LOVE...
MONEY is also the ROOTZ to all HAPPINESS..
Especially in this MATERIALISTIC world.."
Point 4
"No matter how FAITHFUL and LOYAL you are..
But if you DO NOT KNOW how to play your cards,..
You are DOOMED to be a LOSER..
The name of the game is REAL LIFE.."
Point 5
"If you have the PHYSICAL and MATERIAL ASSETS...
You are ALLOWED to be DAMN DEMANDING..
If you know how to FAKE emotions..
You are WORSHIP as if you are GODDESS of LOVE..
NO MAN kneels before a SAINT..
Coz he prefers a HYPOCRITE BITCH who LISTENS.."
Point 6
"Only YOU can make your life at the HAPPIEST..
Only YOU can make each second being ALIVE a GREAT joy..
Only YOU can live life at the FULLEST..
Only YOU know what you DESERVED as your REWARDS..
And indeed you deserved the BEST in everything in your life.."
Point 7
"Not all that you want, you can have it..
So..
Spare no life..
Spare no heart..
Have no mercy..
Have no sympathy..
Bcoz in REALITY..
Only GREAT FIGHTER appear as the WINNER.."
Point 8
"FRIENDSHIP is something you TREASURE..
But only while it LASTS..
Once it starts to SUCK your life inside out..
It's time to LET GO..
Nothing remains FOREVER..
Nobody lives FOREVER..
Same goes to your FRIENDSHIP..
It EXPIRES when the time is UP.."
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
WISHES
1. A MORE PROSPEROUS year for me in life despite the world economical recession
Alhamdulillah..
First of all, I managed to settle all my monthly bills that being charged under my name on time without any 'hiccups'..as I managed to control my expenses on monthly basis..Budgetting..Budgetting..Sometimes it did went exceed but I managed to cover it all up immediately without any hassle at all..Syukran..Alhamdulillah..
Alhamdulillah..
Heard all kinda RUMOURS at work about the year-end BONUS..actually I was COOL about it..well, I left this part to GOD to decides what I deserved out of what I had done so far at work..So far, I just did my part - all jobs assigned to me, I did it sincerely without any grumbling sound out of my mouth..well, I simply followed Crispin's and my Director's advice - Just focus on your works..
Indeed after days of uncertainties, I got the GREAT news via letter hand-over by my lady boss..When I unsealed the envelope, I could not believe my eyes..Rubbed once..Rubbed twice..Looked around and saw all staffs were smiling away..So, I assumed that the digit I was staring at is the CORRECT one..WOW! I got myself such a HUGE BONUS..Multiply by 5..
Syukran..Alhamdulillah..Yahooooooo!!!
I never expected it especially after what I had gone thru' at work over all those months in year 2009..Not that I was creating troubles or whatsoever but all those challenging moments in my working life are what Im referring here..
Above this happy moment of mine...
There are those who are having DOUBTS about this matter..Well, Im just letting them be what they are best known to be..To those who are doubting about my capability and ability especially those who AINT working with me and knew NOTHING about my working life, it's BEST to keep their opinions/sarcastic remarks to themselves only..
THANK YOU so much..
All I know is that..
I had followed all instructions given..
I did my BEST in all the jobs assigned to me..
I did focused in all my assignments..
I DID NOT complain, whine or grumble about anything..
Just GET IT DONE as soon as possible and on time..
Bcoz I always remind myself that Im there to work and earn living..Not to be journalist or reporter or instigator or papparazzi..I need lotsa money to pay all my expenses and to keep on living in this world..I even make it all clear to all that Im NOT there to make BEST FRIEND FOREVER bcoz BEST FRIEND FOREVER is only a famous teddy bear..so that means that Im not there to satisfy or please anybody around me..I just wanna do my work..I wanna lighten a bit my parents' finance and at year end, make my 3 lil angels (Eddy, Ryan & Wawa) happy..besides proving to myself that I can EXCEL in my job and be SUCCESSFUL in life like others too despite Im SINGLE and UNMARRIED..Marital status will NEVER STOP me to be SOMEBODY whom Im PROUD to be..
Due to all these, I do DESERVE this BONUS..Syukran..Alhamdulillah..Thank you, GOD for the blessing..All the best to me in the upcoming NEW YEAR 2010..Insya ALLAH..Amiiiiiiin..I will work HARDER and give the VERY BEST in my work as well as in achieving my own SUCCESS and HAPPINESS in life..
As no one can change my luck in life..As nobody able to make me happiest in relationship so far..All depend on me, myself and I..So, no time to be C.O.M.P.L.A.C.E.N.T anymore..I have to focus on my work, study and personal life as well as chase after what I want and need in life..
I just want the BEST to happens in my life from this day onwards
2. MORE HAPPIER than years before
Slight more happier this year..despite Crispin had confirmed that he's NOT COMING back into my life ever again no matter how hard I try..no matter what I do..It aint working ANYMORE so, I have to simply LET GO of him for good and forever..Just walk away from the scene..MOVE ON..Personally, Im not feeling BAD or GUILTY about it as I had expected this to happen sooner or later..Only time will tell and now it's OVER!
"If MAN does not need me in his life..
Why should I keep on wanting him to be in mine..
Simply let go of everything HIS..
Walk away to find my own happiness.."
Undeniably, Im far much happier on my own - all by myself..Anyway, I had a FAIR share of great memories being in a relationship with men and Im NOT lack of anything..Im breathing a new, fresher air in life..Enjoying it slowly and bits by bits..Alhamdulillah..
3. A NEW beginning of my SINGLE journey in life..all by myself..locally..INDEPENDENTLY ALONE!
Im still socialising and communicating with others online..but offline, Im just interacting with some female besties..that's all..Trying my best to enjoy some great times with them in the midst of my busy working schedule plus my current studies..
Well, I can't depend or rely on them fully, all the times as they have their own family to managed/handle anyway..This is where I need to show my full understanding and just spent the moments without them on my own - doing my own things in life..I have lotsa things in life anyway..Besides that, I always make sure I have enough time all to myself..making my personal life happier..
What I do best which making me happiest is..what again if not, SHOOOOOOOOPPPPPIIIIIIIIIING for shoes..more shoes..more shoes pleeeease..*heheheh*..Nowadays I have no MAN to stop this FANATIC passion of mine..If not spending the time on my myself, I would be seen spending the moment with Harlem..dragging him along on my shopping spree..hehehhe...He only needs to wait at the cashier counter ONLY..!
I have no NEW man in my life and I managed to control that part of my personal life this year..Alhamdulillah..Well, Im not into anyone NEW..not searching for anybody NEW..not even looking forward to anybody NEW..Im OK with the way my life is at this moment of time..It's never been better than this..
I succeed in keep myself away..far away from bumping into any NEW MAN..Im proud of myself for being able to do so..What's the point having NEW MAN who gonna hurt me deeper and breaks my heart again and again.., right? Frankly speaking, Im SICK and TIRED of this kinda thing so as long as Im in SG, Im sticking on to Harlem..Eventhough Im well-aware that he will NEVER be mine..that he belongs to someone else..and I always knew that we will never make it down the aisle..Who cares anyway..As long as I have someone to look up to when I REALLY NEED somebody to be around, I know HARLEM will be that someone..it's more than OK for me in life..I shall not ask for anything more than what I deserve in life..
Im just GRATEFUL that I have Harlem in SG and Bill in USA......Syukran..Alhamdulillah..
"Im just a lady who needs someone to fall on..
Someone to rely on..
Someone to depend on..
Someone who will comfort me by saying that..
'everything will be alright, love..Im here with you..'.."
4. MORE PATIENT in overcoming all odds in life
So far Ive been more patient than ever..in my life..thru' my own observation..or was I becoming MORE IGNORANT than ever..??? *ahakz*..who cares anyway..
I invent my frustrations either by blogging it all or jot it all down in my personal diary offline..If I do not say it all out, I simply juz keep it all to myself..
Juz ACCEPT, ACKNOWLEDGE, ADAPT, ENDURE and PERSEVERE everything at workplace for the MONEY's sake..Money is the only thing in my mind nowadays at work..TOP PRIORITY..I do not give a damn about other miscellaneous thingy..Im not interested to be involved in any office politics..Im well-aware that I can't satisfy everybody..Some people may agreed with the way I am..while some might disagreed as they think it's against their perceptions and beliefs both generally and religiously..I can't make people be at my side all the times, right???? So, Im letting it be..as long it does not affect my rice bowl; others thingy I DO NOT WANNA KNOW!
When my personal life is concerned, I just keep SILENT, IGNORE and WALK AWAY if I do not like what Im hearing..witnessing..Im SICK and TIRED to FIGHT/ARGUE just to defend my rights when at the end, Im still to be blamed for what I did not do..So, what's the point of talking so much if NO ONE even acknowledge what Im trying to say in the 1st place..
5. MORE TOLERANT with the existence of SOME PEOPLE who can be SO HEARTLESS
Indeed..Ive seen NONE of them so far this year..INVISIBLE in my eyes..There are still some people who can be SO DAMN PROUD of themselves just bcoz they have ALMOST everything they want and need in life i.e.
Life partner,
Home,
Children,
Material possessions etc..
worst of all, some of them even LOOK DOWN on someone like me..Yes! It's hurting me indirectly but I can still cope with the pains..Im just sad when some people belittle me eventhough they know NOTHING about me personally but Im GLAD it happens though bcoz now I know who are just H.Y.P.O.C.R.I.T.E.S so far..
Im so NOT gonna say "What goes around, Comes around"..bcoz it NEVER happens that way to those HEARTLESS people out there so far..their fate in life is always seen to be getting BETTER and BETTER each day passed by despite the CRUELTY/EVIL thingy that they had down to someone like me..Indeed there's NO JUSTICE, FAIRNESS and EQUALITY in this world so why should I bother to say that "KARMA exist" when RETRIBUTIONS only EXIST in my life but NOT in those HEARTLESS people's life..and which will resulted to me HATING fate even more...
Each time some HEARTLESS people BELITTLED me, I just pray to GOD that my life will bless even more and I will be given the FULL STRENGTH to lead life thru' all ordeals..May GOD blesses me with lotsa SUCCESS in the future ahead and at the same time OPEN those HEARTLESS people's mind WIDER and WIDER..Make them realise that
"NOBODY STAYS AT THE 'TOP' FOREVER..
NO ONE MEANT TO BE AT THE BOTTOM FOREVER EITHER..
LIFE IS A CYCLE..
NOBODY STAYS IN THE SAME PLACE FOREVER..
AS NO ONE BORN RICH ALWAYS DIE IN GREAT WEALTH..
AND NO ONE BORN POOR MEANT TO DIE IN GREAT POVERTY.."
I just hope that particular GREAT day will be there for me in the future..I could sensed that Im getting nearer to it each day passed by..Insya ALLAH..with hopes, determinations, hard works and GOD's will, I will reach the GREAT HEIGHT of SUCCESS which is where I wanna be at in the future..Also, I always knew that GOD will guides me all the way there..Insya ALLAH..Amiiiiiiin
6. MORE FOCUS towards what I want and what makes me HAPPY
Before, I thought I need to have a life exactly like what those MARRIED women are having to declare my life as COMPLETE...However after awhile and above tonnes of COMPLAINTS, WHININGS as well as EMOTIONAL EXPRESSIONS coming from MARRIED women themselves about how TOUGH exactly REAL MARRIAGE LIFE can be and also, after I NEVER make it down the aisle with Harlem plus recently Crispin confirmed that he's NOT RETURNING to me ever, I started to realise that MAYBE..MOST PROBABLY..being a "MRS" to someone..becoming a "WIFE" to a man..turning into a "MOTHER" to some children..slogging as a "DOMESTIC PERSONNEL ASSISTANT"..qualified to be "LIFE PARTNER" to a soul-mate are indeed NOT my R.E.P.E.R.T.O.I.R.E eventually..*hmmmm..indeed*
So...,
Why am I still chasing after something which not meant to happen in my life ever..working so hard to achieve something which not my expertise..wanting to be someone whom Im not born to be..?
What's the point..?
What Im gaining from all these hassle anyway besides getting myself hurt deeper and deeper each time he walked away..?
Why am I doing all this UNJUSTICE to myself, right????
I did some soul-searching..did lotsa self-reflections..
Now, I know what I want..
What I need..
What Im supposed to do in my life..
That will make my life happier than ever..
Despite the differences might arise in between..
Nowadays..
I can shop as much as I want it to be..
At anytime..
Just to fulfill my shopaholic FANTASIES..
I work and work..
I just do it for the MONEY..
Lotsa MONEY..
MONEY makes me happy in life..
Without MONEY..,
Even the one I loved so much can easily walk away..
Heartless don't even turn around to see me weep..
With MONEY, I can buy EVERYTHING..
Even can buy LOVE and make it all MINE..
Well..
Like I ALWAYS say..
"NO MONEY, NO TALK..
NO MONEY, NO HONEY.."..
7. MORE STRONGER in facing all challenges at work and in life
8. MORE STRENGTHS to endure all sceptical perceptions of me being UNMARRIED
So far..Alhamdulillah..GOD has given me ALL the strengths I need to lead my life thru'..just being myself..being an UNMARRIED, SINGLE individual..I no longer GIVE A DAMN about those who are BADMOUTHING me behind my back - they are just COLD-HEARTED COWARDS just boz Im not like them..!
Im NOT trying to influence anybody here but Im indirectly telling myself always is to look at the positive side as being SINGLE and UNMARRIED..What are the BEST things I will gain out of SINGLEHOOD..That make me such a BELIEVER that SINGLEHOOD is mine to keep forever..I rather chose being UNMARRIED, SINGLE individual FOREVER rather than living with a MORON who's sucking the best parts of my life..
Like a book title - It's better to be SINGLE than SORRY..
If others are anxious..eager..excited to walk down the aisle as soon as possible with the one who claimed to be loving them, by all means - just walk down the aisle..No one gonna stop you..Not even me who would do such kinda thingy..
Im speaking about my choices in life..Im blogging about my perceptions about being SINGLE and UNMARRIED..
9. MORE LOVING me, myself and I
Nowadays..everything I do, I will always promt myself a simple question which is -
"WHAT WILL I BENEFIT or GAINED OUT OF THESE...?? If there's nothing that I can benefit or gained, I simply avoid it all..
"No pain No gain"
Nowadays too - I only have me, myself and I stuck in my mind..Yeah! Can say that Im SELF-CENTERED..that Im EGOISTIC..that Im a BIASE..I do not care what others are thinking of me..coz it does not matter to me..What's so WRONG making myself the TOP PRIORITY and 1st OPTION to be consider..in my life??? Aint I responsible to myself, right???
In my mind...I just wanna have lotsa money - enough to support me financially..enough to pay all my expenses to all my fantasies..enought to ease a bit some parts of my life..enough for me to enjoy a moment to make me happier...
ABSOLUTELY nowadays...
Im letting NO ONE to HURT my feelings and emotions..Not permitting ANYONE to BREAK my heart ever again..That's why I chose to communicate, socialise and interact only with the one Im comfortable with..the one who are at my side..the one who understand what I had gone thru' so far in life..
With this too, Im having no NEW MAN as I had STOPPED searching for any newbies..I have enough memories (sweet, bitter, happiest, miserable) in relationship with a MAN who promises far too many EMPTY PROMISES which Im confident able to last a lifetime..Also, TRUST in him seems to be fading away..When there's NO TRUST, there's NO ETERNITY..there NO FOREVER..So, Im giving RELATIONSHIP kinda thingy a PASS..Thank you but NO THANKS..
I find it's better to be this way..at least for this moment of time..I shall not look forward to any UNNECESSARY depressions...UNWANTED stress..I pray now and then so that GOD will be KIND enough to BLESS my life with all the BEST, GOOD and GREATEST thingy always..Indirectly, Im praying HARDER so that GOD will be able to keep those JERKS/BASTARDS/ASSHOLES/MORONS far far away from my life..I do not want or need these kinda people to be presence in my life..not even a second! Shooooooo!!!! Go away, will you???
TRUE LOVE will never be mine so,
I had stopped looking for it..
MAN is not meant to stay forever in my life so,
I had stopped my search for him..
Im now leading a life which I always wanted..in the way which I always see it meant to be..Im BLESSED to be attached with 2 GREAT men who are loving me so much..who always trying their very best to understand my situation, condition and state of mind..well, they know how my heart was BROKEN UMPTEEN times before..So, all they do nowadays is to soothe my pains...comfort me always...
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
RESOLUTIONS
a. Further my studies
Currently Im undertaking Double Diploma in Business Administration and Private Secretary..in my LAST module..My hope for next year is that I will be able to excel in all papers and graduate happily..With this, my focus is fully at my examination..nothing else I want right now besides this..Eventhough it's tough juggling study and work, Im PROUD of myself for taking the next step in life despite lotsa NEGATIVE CRITICISM, SARCASTIC REMARKS and NON-MOTIVATIONAL STATEMENTS some people are giving out to me..I never regret sacrificing lotsa money on my study..Indeed Im lovin' the process so far no matter how stressful some times it can be to me..but still, Im all ON to it...
Supposed to enrol that Paralegal Studies but I have to pend it for a time-being as the commencement date of the course coincides with my DOUBLE DIPLOMA examinations..This does not mean that I've given up..NO WAAAAAAAAY! I will try my best to remind myself to enrol for this course next November 2010..Insya ALLAH..I will NOT forget about it...Well, I have all jotted down in here...
My GOAL is to study a level higher each year..w.e.f from this year 2009..Im looking forward to a MORE PROMISING and BRIGHTER future..Insya ALLAH..Success will be MINE at last..I simply knew it..Insya ALLAH..Amiiiiiiiiin
b. Read more books
At present, Im reading more about motivational kinda reading materials..Well, I love reading those books that able to inspire me MORE to make my life BETTER and HAPPIER..Well, I can't rely or depend on anybody in particular nowadays..haiiiiiizzz..others are busy with their own agendas in life so, everything have to rely or depend on my own instinct and wise actions...That's why Im reading those books to guide me along..side by side in my journey in life..So far, it's being great..Im enjoying great life..Im communicating and socialising with POSITIVE-minded and motivational people toooooo...
Im gaining the necessary knowledge to lead my life further..I have the supports I need to push me ahead in achieving GREAT HEIGHT of success in life..I have GOD to make sure everything is going towards what I have in mind for the future..Insya ALLAH..My life will be definitely better..
Im reading more books than ever to accomplish my mission, vision and ambition...
c. Continue collecting shoes and handbags
Every month at least a pair of shoes...except for the month of July & September 2009 as I need to pay off my course fees' instalment...after that I redeemed it all with an extra pair of shoes...whoahahahahaha...Im juz crazy over shoooooooeeeeesssss...
d. Be more STYLISH/FASHIONABLE and BEAUTIFUL
I have all the supports from those besties I have in life..besides my men - Harlem & Bill who are making me HAPPILY YOUTHFUL LOOKING nowadays..the secrets? These 2 men of mine NON-STOP making me HAPPIEST whenever they are around / online..there's NOT a single second gone by without great laughters..great advices..great encouragements..great motivations..especially that Bill...Am I right, Bill???
Then, I have some besties who encourage me to dress up more stylish and add more colours to my face...Two of them even bought me eye-shadow palettes which Im yet to experiment all those colours very sooooooooon..Gonna start in the upcoming NEW YEAR 2010..well, I have no fear finishing it all up due to daily usage as I have my own personal cosmetic suppliers in my contact list..
Just give my suppliers a buzz, transfer the money and the products will be deliver to my doorstep..simple as that..No worries!
Thank you to all these people in my life...especially Harlem and Bill...my 2 best men in my life...Luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurve all of you...*muaaaaaaaachkz*
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
So,..
Bye Bye Year 2009..
C'mmon in NEW Year 2010..
God, please guides and blesses me always..
ALL PRAISES ONLY FOR THE AL-MIGHTY LORD, GOD @ ALLAH...
Insya ALLAH..Amiiiiiiiin...
Point 1
"When it's NOT yours..
It will NEVER belongs to you..
No matter how bad you want it to be..
No matter what you willing to do to get it..
IT IS JUST NOT YOURS.."
Point 2
"STOP hoping for anything GREAT to happen..
Just work to get GREAT things in life.."
Point 3
"..MONEY is the ROOTZ to all GREED..
Every MAN need to know his ROOTZ..
MONEY is the ACKNOWLEDGEMENT of being SOMEBODY..
MONEY can buy almost EVERYTHING including LOVE...
MONEY is also the ROOTZ to all HAPPINESS..
Especially in this MATERIALISTIC world.."
Point 4
"No matter how FAITHFUL and LOYAL you are..
But if you DO NOT KNOW how to play your cards,..
You are DOOMED to be a LOSER..
The name of the game is REAL LIFE.."
Point 5
"If you have the PHYSICAL and MATERIAL ASSETS...
You are ALLOWED to be DAMN DEMANDING..
If you know how to FAKE emotions..
You are WORSHIP as if you are GODDESS of LOVE..
NO MAN kneels before a SAINT..
Coz he prefers a HYPOCRITE BITCH who LISTENS.."
Point 6
"Only YOU can make your life at the HAPPIEST..
Only YOU can make each second being ALIVE a GREAT joy..
Only YOU can live life at the FULLEST..
Only YOU know what you DESERVED as your REWARDS..
And indeed you deserved the BEST in everything in your life.."
Point 7
"Not all that you want, you can have it..
So..
Spare no life..
Spare no heart..
Have no mercy..
Have no sympathy..
Bcoz in REALITY..
Only GREAT FIGHTER appear as the WINNER.."
Point 8
"FRIENDSHIP is something you TREASURE..
But only while it LASTS..
Once it starts to SUCK your life inside out..
It's time to LET GO..
Nothing remains FOREVER..
Nobody lives FOREVER..
Same goes to your FRIENDSHIP..
It EXPIRES when the time is UP.."
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
WISHES
1. A MORE PROSPEROUS year for me in life despite the world economical recession
Alhamdulillah..
First of all, I managed to settle all my monthly bills that being charged under my name on time without any 'hiccups'..as I managed to control my expenses on monthly basis..Budgetting..Budgetting..Sometimes it did went exceed but I managed to cover it all up immediately without any hassle at all..Syukran..Alhamdulillah..
Alhamdulillah..
Heard all kinda RUMOURS at work about the year-end BONUS..actually I was COOL about it..well, I left this part to GOD to decides what I deserved out of what I had done so far at work..So far, I just did my part - all jobs assigned to me, I did it sincerely without any grumbling sound out of my mouth..well, I simply followed Crispin's and my Director's advice - Just focus on your works..
Indeed after days of uncertainties, I got the GREAT news via letter hand-over by my lady boss..When I unsealed the envelope, I could not believe my eyes..Rubbed once..Rubbed twice..Looked around and saw all staffs were smiling away..So, I assumed that the digit I was staring at is the CORRECT one..WOW! I got myself such a HUGE BONUS..Multiply by 5..
Syukran..Alhamdulillah..Yahooooooo!!!
I never expected it especially after what I had gone thru' at work over all those months in year 2009..Not that I was creating troubles or whatsoever but all those challenging moments in my working life are what Im referring here..
Above this happy moment of mine...
There are those who are having DOUBTS about this matter..Well, Im just letting them be what they are best known to be..To those who are doubting about my capability and ability especially those who AINT working with me and knew NOTHING about my working life, it's BEST to keep their opinions/sarcastic remarks to themselves only..
THANK YOU so much..
All I know is that..
I had followed all instructions given..
I did my BEST in all the jobs assigned to me..
I did focused in all my assignments..
I DID NOT complain, whine or grumble about anything..
Just GET IT DONE as soon as possible and on time..
Bcoz I always remind myself that Im there to work and earn living..Not to be journalist or reporter or instigator or papparazzi..I need lotsa money to pay all my expenses and to keep on living in this world..I even make it all clear to all that Im NOT there to make BEST FRIEND FOREVER bcoz BEST FRIEND FOREVER is only a famous teddy bear..so that means that Im not there to satisfy or please anybody around me..I just wanna do my work..I wanna lighten a bit my parents' finance and at year end, make my 3 lil angels (Eddy, Ryan & Wawa) happy..besides proving to myself that I can EXCEL in my job and be SUCCESSFUL in life like others too despite Im SINGLE and UNMARRIED..Marital status will NEVER STOP me to be SOMEBODY whom Im PROUD to be..
Due to all these, I do DESERVE this BONUS..Syukran..Alhamdulillah..Thank you, GOD for the blessing..All the best to me in the upcoming NEW YEAR 2010..Insya ALLAH..Amiiiiiiin..I will work HARDER and give the VERY BEST in my work as well as in achieving my own SUCCESS and HAPPINESS in life..
As no one can change my luck in life..As nobody able to make me happiest in relationship so far..All depend on me, myself and I..So, no time to be C.O.M.P.L.A.C.E.N.T anymore..I have to focus on my work, study and personal life as well as chase after what I want and need in life..
I just want the BEST to happens in my life from this day onwards
2. MORE HAPPIER than years before
Slight more happier this year..despite Crispin had confirmed that he's NOT COMING back into my life ever again no matter how hard I try..no matter what I do..It aint working ANYMORE so, I have to simply LET GO of him for good and forever..Just walk away from the scene..MOVE ON..Personally, Im not feeling BAD or GUILTY about it as I had expected this to happen sooner or later..Only time will tell and now it's OVER!
"If MAN does not need me in his life..
Why should I keep on wanting him to be in mine..
Simply let go of everything HIS..
Walk away to find my own happiness.."
Undeniably, Im far much happier on my own - all by myself..Anyway, I had a FAIR share of great memories being in a relationship with men and Im NOT lack of anything..Im breathing a new, fresher air in life..Enjoying it slowly and bits by bits..Alhamdulillah..
3. A NEW beginning of my SINGLE journey in life..all by myself..locally..INDEPENDENTLY ALONE!
Im still socialising and communicating with others online..but offline, Im just interacting with some female besties..that's all..Trying my best to enjoy some great times with them in the midst of my busy working schedule plus my current studies..
Well, I can't depend or rely on them fully, all the times as they have their own family to managed/handle anyway..This is where I need to show my full understanding and just spent the moments without them on my own - doing my own things in life..I have lotsa things in life anyway..Besides that, I always make sure I have enough time all to myself..making my personal life happier..
What I do best which making me happiest is..what again if not, SHOOOOOOOOPPPPPIIIIIIIIIING for shoes..more shoes..more shoes pleeeease..*heheheh*..Nowadays I have no MAN to stop this FANATIC passion of mine..If not spending the time on my myself, I would be seen spending the moment with Harlem..dragging him along on my shopping spree..hehehhe...He only needs to wait at the cashier counter ONLY..!
I have no NEW man in my life and I managed to control that part of my personal life this year..Alhamdulillah..Well, Im not into anyone NEW..not searching for anybody NEW..not even looking forward to anybody NEW..Im OK with the way my life is at this moment of time..It's never been better than this..
I succeed in keep myself away..far away from bumping into any NEW MAN..Im proud of myself for being able to do so..What's the point having NEW MAN who gonna hurt me deeper and breaks my heart again and again.., right? Frankly speaking, Im SICK and TIRED of this kinda thing so as long as Im in SG, Im sticking on to Harlem..Eventhough Im well-aware that he will NEVER be mine..that he belongs to someone else..and I always knew that we will never make it down the aisle..Who cares anyway..As long as I have someone to look up to when I REALLY NEED somebody to be around, I know HARLEM will be that someone..it's more than OK for me in life..I shall not ask for anything more than what I deserve in life..
Im just GRATEFUL that I have Harlem in SG and Bill in USA......Syukran..Alhamdulillah..
"Im just a lady who needs someone to fall on..
Someone to rely on..
Someone to depend on..
Someone who will comfort me by saying that..
'everything will be alright, love..Im here with you..'.."
4. MORE PATIENT in overcoming all odds in life
So far Ive been more patient than ever..in my life..thru' my own observation..or was I becoming MORE IGNORANT than ever..??? *ahakz*..who cares anyway..
I invent my frustrations either by blogging it all or jot it all down in my personal diary offline..If I do not say it all out, I simply juz keep it all to myself..
Juz ACCEPT, ACKNOWLEDGE, ADAPT, ENDURE and PERSEVERE everything at workplace for the MONEY's sake..Money is the only thing in my mind nowadays at work..TOP PRIORITY..I do not give a damn about other miscellaneous thingy..Im not interested to be involved in any office politics..Im well-aware that I can't satisfy everybody..Some people may agreed with the way I am..while some might disagreed as they think it's against their perceptions and beliefs both generally and religiously..I can't make people be at my side all the times, right???? So, Im letting it be..as long it does not affect my rice bowl; others thingy I DO NOT WANNA KNOW!
When my personal life is concerned, I just keep SILENT, IGNORE and WALK AWAY if I do not like what Im hearing..witnessing..Im SICK and TIRED to FIGHT/ARGUE just to defend my rights when at the end, Im still to be blamed for what I did not do..So, what's the point of talking so much if NO ONE even acknowledge what Im trying to say in the 1st place..
5. MORE TOLERANT with the existence of SOME PEOPLE who can be SO HEARTLESS
Indeed..Ive seen NONE of them so far this year..INVISIBLE in my eyes..There are still some people who can be SO DAMN PROUD of themselves just bcoz they have ALMOST everything they want and need in life i.e.
Life partner,
Home,
Children,
Material possessions etc..
worst of all, some of them even LOOK DOWN on someone like me..Yes! It's hurting me indirectly but I can still cope with the pains..Im just sad when some people belittle me eventhough they know NOTHING about me personally but Im GLAD it happens though bcoz now I know who are just H.Y.P.O.C.R.I.T.E.S so far..
Im so NOT gonna say "What goes around, Comes around"..bcoz it NEVER happens that way to those HEARTLESS people out there so far..their fate in life is always seen to be getting BETTER and BETTER each day passed by despite the CRUELTY/EVIL thingy that they had down to someone like me..Indeed there's NO JUSTICE, FAIRNESS and EQUALITY in this world so why should I bother to say that "KARMA exist" when RETRIBUTIONS only EXIST in my life but NOT in those HEARTLESS people's life..and which will resulted to me HATING fate even more...
Each time some HEARTLESS people BELITTLED me, I just pray to GOD that my life will bless even more and I will be given the FULL STRENGTH to lead life thru' all ordeals..May GOD blesses me with lotsa SUCCESS in the future ahead and at the same time OPEN those HEARTLESS people's mind WIDER and WIDER..Make them realise that
"NOBODY STAYS AT THE 'TOP' FOREVER..
NO ONE MEANT TO BE AT THE BOTTOM FOREVER EITHER..
LIFE IS A CYCLE..
NOBODY STAYS IN THE SAME PLACE FOREVER..
AS NO ONE BORN RICH ALWAYS DIE IN GREAT WEALTH..
AND NO ONE BORN POOR MEANT TO DIE IN GREAT POVERTY.."
I just hope that particular GREAT day will be there for me in the future..I could sensed that Im getting nearer to it each day passed by..Insya ALLAH..with hopes, determinations, hard works and GOD's will, I will reach the GREAT HEIGHT of SUCCESS which is where I wanna be at in the future..Also, I always knew that GOD will guides me all the way there..Insya ALLAH..Amiiiiiiin
6. MORE FOCUS towards what I want and what makes me HAPPY
Before, I thought I need to have a life exactly like what those MARRIED women are having to declare my life as COMPLETE...However after awhile and above tonnes of COMPLAINTS, WHININGS as well as EMOTIONAL EXPRESSIONS coming from MARRIED women themselves about how TOUGH exactly REAL MARRIAGE LIFE can be and also, after I NEVER make it down the aisle with Harlem plus recently Crispin confirmed that he's NOT RETURNING to me ever, I started to realise that MAYBE..MOST PROBABLY..being a "MRS" to someone..becoming a "WIFE" to a man..turning into a "MOTHER" to some children..slogging as a "DOMESTIC PERSONNEL ASSISTANT"..qualified to be "LIFE PARTNER" to a soul-mate are indeed NOT my R.E.P.E.R.T.O.I.R.E eventually..*hmmmm..indeed*
So...,
Why am I still chasing after something which not meant to happen in my life ever..working so hard to achieve something which not my expertise..wanting to be someone whom Im not born to be..?
What's the point..?
What Im gaining from all these hassle anyway besides getting myself hurt deeper and deeper each time he walked away..?
Why am I doing all this UNJUSTICE to myself, right????
I did some soul-searching..did lotsa self-reflections..
Now, I know what I want..
What I need..
What Im supposed to do in my life..
That will make my life happier than ever..
Despite the differences might arise in between..
Nowadays..
I can shop as much as I want it to be..
At anytime..
Just to fulfill my shopaholic FANTASIES..
I work and work..
I just do it for the MONEY..
Lotsa MONEY..
MONEY makes me happy in life..
Without MONEY..,
Even the one I loved so much can easily walk away..
Heartless don't even turn around to see me weep..
With MONEY, I can buy EVERYTHING..
Even can buy LOVE and make it all MINE..
Well..
Like I ALWAYS say..
"NO MONEY, NO TALK..
NO MONEY, NO HONEY.."..
7. MORE STRONGER in facing all challenges at work and in life
8. MORE STRENGTHS to endure all sceptical perceptions of me being UNMARRIED
So far..Alhamdulillah..GOD has given me ALL the strengths I need to lead my life thru'..just being myself..being an UNMARRIED, SINGLE individual..I no longer GIVE A DAMN about those who are BADMOUTHING me behind my back - they are just COLD-HEARTED COWARDS just boz Im not like them..!
Im NOT trying to influence anybody here but Im indirectly telling myself always is to look at the positive side as being SINGLE and UNMARRIED..What are the BEST things I will gain out of SINGLEHOOD..That make me such a BELIEVER that SINGLEHOOD is mine to keep forever..I rather chose being UNMARRIED, SINGLE individual FOREVER rather than living with a MORON who's sucking the best parts of my life..
Like a book title - It's better to be SINGLE than SORRY..
If others are anxious..eager..excited to walk down the aisle as soon as possible with the one who claimed to be loving them, by all means - just walk down the aisle..No one gonna stop you..Not even me who would do such kinda thingy..
Im speaking about my choices in life..Im blogging about my perceptions about being SINGLE and UNMARRIED..
9. MORE LOVING me, myself and I
Nowadays..everything I do, I will always promt myself a simple question which is -
"WHAT WILL I BENEFIT or GAINED OUT OF THESE...?? If there's nothing that I can benefit or gained, I simply avoid it all..
"No pain No gain"
Nowadays too - I only have me, myself and I stuck in my mind..Yeah! Can say that Im SELF-CENTERED..that Im EGOISTIC..that Im a BIASE..I do not care what others are thinking of me..coz it does not matter to me..What's so WRONG making myself the TOP PRIORITY and 1st OPTION to be consider..in my life??? Aint I responsible to myself, right???
In my mind...I just wanna have lotsa money - enough to support me financially..enough to pay all my expenses to all my fantasies..enought to ease a bit some parts of my life..enough for me to enjoy a moment to make me happier...
ABSOLUTELY nowadays...
Im letting NO ONE to HURT my feelings and emotions..Not permitting ANYONE to BREAK my heart ever again..That's why I chose to communicate, socialise and interact only with the one Im comfortable with..the one who are at my side..the one who understand what I had gone thru' so far in life..
With this too, Im having no NEW MAN as I had STOPPED searching for any newbies..I have enough memories (sweet, bitter, happiest, miserable) in relationship with a MAN who promises far too many EMPTY PROMISES which Im confident able to last a lifetime..Also, TRUST in him seems to be fading away..When there's NO TRUST, there's NO ETERNITY..there NO FOREVER..So, Im giving RELATIONSHIP kinda thingy a PASS..Thank you but NO THANKS..
I find it's better to be this way..at least for this moment of time..I shall not look forward to any UNNECESSARY depressions...UNWANTED stress..I pray now and then so that GOD will be KIND enough to BLESS my life with all the BEST, GOOD and GREATEST thingy always..Indirectly, Im praying HARDER so that GOD will be able to keep those JERKS/BASTARDS/ASSHOLES/MORONS far far away from my life..I do not want or need these kinda people to be presence in my life..not even a second! Shooooooo!!!! Go away, will you???
TRUE LOVE will never be mine so,
I had stopped looking for it..
MAN is not meant to stay forever in my life so,
I had stopped my search for him..
Im now leading a life which I always wanted..in the way which I always see it meant to be..Im BLESSED to be attached with 2 GREAT men who are loving me so much..who always trying their very best to understand my situation, condition and state of mind..well, they know how my heart was BROKEN UMPTEEN times before..So, all they do nowadays is to soothe my pains...comfort me always...
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
RESOLUTIONS
a. Further my studies
Currently Im undertaking Double Diploma in Business Administration and Private Secretary..in my LAST module..My hope for next year is that I will be able to excel in all papers and graduate happily..With this, my focus is fully at my examination..nothing else I want right now besides this..Eventhough it's tough juggling study and work, Im PROUD of myself for taking the next step in life despite lotsa NEGATIVE CRITICISM, SARCASTIC REMARKS and NON-MOTIVATIONAL STATEMENTS some people are giving out to me..I never regret sacrificing lotsa money on my study..Indeed Im lovin' the process so far no matter how stressful some times it can be to me..but still, Im all ON to it...
Supposed to enrol that Paralegal Studies but I have to pend it for a time-being as the commencement date of the course coincides with my DOUBLE DIPLOMA examinations..This does not mean that I've given up..NO WAAAAAAAAY! I will try my best to remind myself to enrol for this course next November 2010..Insya ALLAH..I will NOT forget about it...Well, I have all jotted down in here...
My GOAL is to study a level higher each year..w.e.f from this year 2009..Im looking forward to a MORE PROMISING and BRIGHTER future..Insya ALLAH..Success will be MINE at last..I simply knew it..Insya ALLAH..Amiiiiiiiiin
b. Read more books
At present, Im reading more about motivational kinda reading materials..Well, I love reading those books that able to inspire me MORE to make my life BETTER and HAPPIER..Well, I can't rely or depend on anybody in particular nowadays..haiiiiiizzz..others are busy with their own agendas in life so, everything have to rely or depend on my own instinct and wise actions...That's why Im reading those books to guide me along..side by side in my journey in life..So far, it's being great..Im enjoying great life..Im communicating and socialising with POSITIVE-minded and motivational people toooooo...
Im gaining the necessary knowledge to lead my life further..I have the supports I need to push me ahead in achieving GREAT HEIGHT of success in life..I have GOD to make sure everything is going towards what I have in mind for the future..Insya ALLAH..My life will be definitely better..
Im reading more books than ever to accomplish my mission, vision and ambition...
c. Continue collecting shoes and handbags
Every month at least a pair of shoes...except for the month of July & September 2009 as I need to pay off my course fees' instalment...after that I redeemed it all with an extra pair of shoes...whoahahahahaha...Im juz crazy over shoooooooeeeeesssss...
d. Be more STYLISH/FASHIONABLE and BEAUTIFUL
I have all the supports from those besties I have in life..besides my men - Harlem & Bill who are making me HAPPILY YOUTHFUL LOOKING nowadays..the secrets? These 2 men of mine NON-STOP making me HAPPIEST whenever they are around / online..there's NOT a single second gone by without great laughters..great advices..great encouragements..great motivations..especially that Bill...Am I right, Bill???
Then, I have some besties who encourage me to dress up more stylish and add more colours to my face...Two of them even bought me eye-shadow palettes which Im yet to experiment all those colours very sooooooooon..Gonna start in the upcoming NEW YEAR 2010..well, I have no fear finishing it all up due to daily usage as I have my own personal cosmetic suppliers in my contact list..
Just give my suppliers a buzz, transfer the money and the products will be deliver to my doorstep..simple as that..No worries!
Thank you to all these people in my life...especially Harlem and Bill...my 2 best men in my life...Luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurve all of you...*muaaaaaaaachkz*
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
So,..
Bye Bye Year 2009..
C'mmon in NEW Year 2010..
God, please guides and blesses me always..
ALL PRAISES ONLY FOR THE AL-MIGHTY LORD, GOD @ ALLAH...
Insya ALLAH..Amiiiiiiiin...
